courtneyldavidson’s blog

To Write Love on Her Arms is a movement/non-profit organization, raising awareness of suicide, depression and self-injury. It's really an amazing thing, and I am so excited that it is happening. I never thought that when I was thirteen years old, that such a movement would evolve. But now it is happening, people are becoming aware of the battles that teenagers fight. And I am here to say that it is not just a phase that they will overcome. I wonder how many people know my struggle, how many have walked the bloody battle grounds, in order to find themselves. Hope has always been a faint whisper in the back of my mind. I have been there and done it all. The cutting, the drugs, the alcohol, the sex, and I am on the other side looking back, and I am alive and happy. Although the pain from self-injury is gone my scars will remain forever on my body.  I hate them, even though they tell a powerful story. I have a really big scar on my right arm, which is about an inch across and four inches long. I should have gone to the hospital, I should have gotten stitches, I should have gotten antibiotics, but I never did. I let this gaping wound throb and heal for years. I have a dark secret in my soul, it is depression. And I should have gone to the hospital, and I should have gotten medication, but I didn't. I let the gaping wound throb and heal for years. I tell myself that I shouldn't here. That I if it were not for Jesus I would be dead. God only knows how things would have ended up for me. But I can guess and it isn't good. I am left with a story on my body, and even though the pain has dissipated the scars remain. I hate them, but I think that God loves them because the tell a story of his redemption and love. Not everyone has their testimony on their body. And no matter what language you speak we can all understand pain. I like to think of my scars as musical notes, maybe separate they are only one note that can go unnoticed, but together they are a symphony and they sing a song for everyone to hear.

Can someone please tell me how you get your own images on the design bar on your blog???
I have spent a lot of time trying to "resize" it so it fits all the way, and it so retarded I don't understand there has to be an easier way.

Jones soda is amazing.  They have campaign cola. I want some. I am jonesing for a jones. 

Mccain-160

It is the middle twenties when you start your whole philosophical political journey right??? I am having a battle of wits in my mind and heart about these things. No doubt I would stand my ground as a conservative. I am pro-life, and pro-life should be all life, beginning to end. Pro-life should mean anti-death penalty and the conservation of life from the very micro seconds of conception. But I differ from a lot of conservatives, when it comes to the death penalty. God has given us grace, he has set up laws to be followed. There are some people who break laws and learn other that are repeat offenders. Killing someone for a crime is the easy way out I think. I say let them sulk in there guilt and let them remorse for what they did, don't give them the easy way out of the prison they have created for themselves. There are consequences for our actions. Good or bad. And even if with this undeserving grace we all get, there are still consequences for our sin. I like what C.S Lewis said 'Does loving your enemy mean not punishing him?' If it weren't for capital punishment, maybe God's plan would have been a lot different for Jesus' death. What would have been the result?? We think that death is so evil. . . I don't think God sees it like that. Death is inevitable. So what can we do to preserve that long period before called life? But everyone knows that being a conservative is not based strictly on the whole pro-life argument. I know this is the most talked about topic for conservatives, the uneducated conservative, who only sees this as the most important issue.

My father is a staunch liberal, my mom is somewhere in between, and my boyfriend, well he lived through communist hell in his twenties, so he is a very conservative republican. And well I am a conservative no doubt, but I appose a lot of this evangelical conservative bull shit. Like the whole Harry Potter thing. C'mon give me a break. How is possibly to make a decision on something when you haven't even done the research?? Any lawyer can tell you in order to defend someone you have to know what the other side is thinking. Personally I didn't do the whole Harry Potter thing, because of my past involvement in things. I bought the first book, read a few chapters, and I felt really funny about so I didn't continue it anymore. The whole reason I am going through all of this reasoning is because of my sister's crazy neighbors. The woman home schools her children, which is fine, but it can get a little brain-washy at times with her. She won't shop at Target because they support gay rights. But if that homosexual were a fetus it would have rights in her mind? But she shops at Wal-mart no problems there for her. What is wrong with people?

I often find that people believe what they do, in order to preserve their own innocence. Example if an abortion doctor where a republican and said abortion was wrong, he would be a hypocrite, and he would be negating himself and saying he was guilty and wrong. So instead he will be a Democrat and say it doesn't matter. Is it even possibly to choose what we believe politically and morally? Because what we believe is based on what we have been through, what we have been told, and where we live at.  In most cases, but of course there is always someone who messes up everything.

Anyway that is my rant for the time being. A quote to think about:

                                "The society we have described can never grow into a reality or see the light of day, and there will be no end to the troubles of states, or indeed, my dear Glaucon, of humanity itself, till philosophers are kings in this world, or till those we now call kings and rulers really and truly become philosophers, and political power and philosophy thus come into the same hands, while the many natures now content to follow either to the exclusion of the other are forcibly debarred from doing so. This is what I have hesitated to say so long, knowing what a paradox it would sound; for it is not easy to see that there is no other road to happiness, either for society or the individual." (Plato, Republic)

So I went to Goodwill because they were having a sale. I usually find like nothing there. Well today I found a Nikon digital camera with all the manuals and software for six dollars. But wait. . . it's Memorial Day and it was fifty percent off. . . so three dollars for a digital camera that works beautifully. 

So I was just at walmart in the baby department, and there was this woman with a monkey. Like a real live monkey. Apparently it was a service monkey. I am kinda confused do people usually have monkeys to help them??? Like dogs for blind people. 

My mom is the coolest mom ever, she has always been that way. I remember having the best birthday parties when I was a kid. She was never hesitant to go all out for me. My mom has been calling me her baby, since I was one. And when I was a teenager it drove me crazy, but it is only now that I can really apperciate it. I went to the eyeglass store with my mom not that long ago, and she got the hippest glasses that she could find. My mom played Guitar Hero at my sister's house, just so that she could keep with the kids at work. I thought that was very cool. My mom borrowed my Sex and the City complete series and watched all of it. She is addicted to Nip/Tuck. My mom has never discouraged me from following my dreams, and being my own person.

My mom is my inspiration, she is my best friend, there isn't anything I can't tell her. I hope that one day when I have kids that I can be as great of a mother as mine.

Scan0003

I was thinking the other day, and now being on Adderall it is much less work and much more enjoyable, I wonder how PETA would have dealt with Old Testament animal sacrifices. They probably would have been really pissed, which is fine because PETA are idiots. Any thoughts on it???

So I have been going through much testing and many doctor visits. I have great doctor and a wonderful therapist as well. My doctor suggested that I read this book called 'Driven to Distraction' before going through hundreds of dollars in testing. I read the book, well most of it, I got distracted a lot, but it really made sense, and for the first time things started clicking with me. So I did that, told my doctor it made sense to me. So he sent me to another doctor for testing, a PhD doctor. He said he highly suspects it as well. So he is sending a report to my other doctor, the Md, and he will decide what to do from there. Ahhhh. . . the mere thought of this makes me stressed.